We have some similarities. Me and Him. He desired what was much against the norm. Something that nobody else had thought of even as a desire! He was the only one to have thought of it. A bit like him, I also wanted a world different than the norm. A world of you and me. A world of our desires.
When he had voiced his desires, people said it was impossible to achieve. Nobody was ready to help him, to guide him. And me? I voiced my desires only to a few. For I knew what people would say. “Impossible”. To an extent you would say the same thing too! And so, I was wise enough not even to think of asking for help, for advice. I knew it was us, our desires and my struggle.
It is said that he had his share of his hardships, the penance, the tapasya. Obviously, I had mine. What he had asked for was blasphemous, they said. He faced the wrath of deities. They thought their kingdom was endangered. Their position was at stake, they thought. It didn’t matter to him, I think. All he wanted was his desire, his happy place, his place in heaven. In the way he wanted. He was probably captivated by this thought of dreaming of the impossible. What he had was passion, simply speaking a junoon. Like me.
Like him, I too often face wrath of deities, of goddesses. Because they think their kingdom is endangered. Because they believe their position, their right over you is at stake. Hardly do they realize that I have nothing to fight for. And as for the position? There is nothing in it for me to even think of. For, I know I have you, like they can never have. Position or no position. They do all that they can, burning in their insecurity. While I am secure in my desires. Like him. Standing rock solid on the firm ground of my belief- in us and our desires. Unperturbed. Oblivious. Unconcerned.
Despite his struggles, they would not allow him to stay. They threw him out. He was lucky that he got a person to build a heaven for him. A heaven as per his idea. I know why he never went back to the place which was called as his world. I know the feeling very well. A sense of not belonging there! The way I never feel I belong to the world that surrounds me. Like him, I know I will never be allowed in that heaven that I desire. I know I would be thrown out. I would never get to live in the world which I desire. But I can’t go back. Like him, I too have crossed the point of no return. And unlike him, I don’t have a sage by my side, who will build me a heaven of my desire.
Like him, I needed a place where I could belong. Between the real world and the real heaven, a heaven for myself. Of my feelings and your desires. Of your presence within your absence. My heaven. Insulated. Secluded. Shielded.
Unlike him, I build myself a heaven. My very own heaven, content living you if not with you. Like him, this act of mine- of not belonging here or there, depicts a strong desire. Yet, unlike him, my state does not signify compromise. For, I simply brush aside all barbs and decorate my heaven, smile proudly and say aloud, “Me, Trishanku. And I make my own world”.
Note: An interesting astronomical context for Trishanku or Trishanku’s heaven: It is also called as Crux or Southern Cross. It is said that it lies “half-way” mid-way” between the earth and the “rest of the skies (heaven)”. It is the stories that connect us with phenomenon!